1.)
You are so bloody fucking interesting.
And I can’t talk to you about anything that matters.
Because I am just blank.

Your world must be so vivid and bright.
And to think,
I used to imagine I could be a part of it.
(But I’m just not adventurous enough.)

When you’re famous and dating all those beautiful girls
(or just hooking up)
When I’m tied to a desk and miserable
I’ll just want you to know
I’m still regretting I didn’t call in dead.

2.)
Sometimes I think we’ll never have an end.
Sometimes I think after this summer, I’ll never see you again.
Sometimes I think of the future
When I’ll come to dinner with my husband,
And make small talk with your spouse,
All the while pretending I don’t see
The look of ‘What if…’ in your eyes.

But it was never love, and we’ll never belong to each other.

Maybe one day you’ll tell me what it was all about,
Why fireflies were bright enough to light the way.
(But the problem with fireflies is that they burn out too soon.)
.
3.)
Every time you try to tell me you’re not a different person
It rings a little less true.

Maybe one day you’ll finally realize, that in an attempt to not be her
You’ve just become them
And I’m not really sure
Even you know who you are any longer.

But I still worry about the days you said you didn’t even have the will to get out of bed, and part of me is hoping that he’ll always stay, because you’ve been ruined enough.
It’s not about what’s best for you; it’s about what you can live with.

4.)
I miss vodka shots from water bottles and cheap red chaser.
I miss dancing dancing dancing like the world is on fire.
I miss colouring your hair out in the rain.
I miss the world we had that year, and I’m so jealous you managed to stay in it.
I miss you, child.

5.)
The first time I met you, I was terrified.  
Then I kind of wanted to be with you.
I wanted to fix you.
There were only so many times I could watch you fuck up.
The fighting, the drugs, the dealing—the arrests…
I can’t deal with that; I’m not that kind of tough.

It would be nice though
If you’d still say, “Hello”

6.)
Sometimes I hate you because you’re no good for her and it’s like you’ve ruined my best friend.
Then sometimes I think that I’d want to date you if the two of you ever broke up.
I think deep down, I’m actually a horrible, selfish person.
(So maybe we’d work.)

7.)
I hope one day you will wake up and realize you are beautiful.
Every girl deserves to feel like the prettiest in the room for at least one night of her life.
But for you, I think, one is far less than you deserve.

I hope one day you will wake up and realize you’re all right.
There is nothing wrong with you, nothing that needs curing or pills.
Your prescription is only a warm embrace from someone who appreciates you.

I hope one day we’ll be able to really talk, on even ground.
We’re not so different as you seem to think; it kind of scares me, this idea of ‘betterness’.
But if anyone is more, it’s you.

8.)
I could see it, maybe.
If I knew you better.
If I saw you other places.
If we had more conversations about how the Lucky Charms leprechaun could be a super villain and which colours are best together, and why it is you insist pink shouldn’t be a colour.

9.)
I don’t think I’ve ever been such close friends with some, and still feel like there are things I can’t tell you.
But sometimes it’s enough, just to laugh at the idea of dieing, shoot aliens, and decide that it’s ok to be a lemming.

10.)
I’m never going to be free for coffee.
I’m sorry you have such horrible timing.
I’ve given you reasons to hate me,
I don’t know why you don’t.
Maybe you are different now,
And I’m curious to see you the adult.
But not enough
(To put you through dealing with me
All over again).

It’s just not worth it because you really don’t know.

11.)
Please pull your act together, and stop lying to yourself.
Your ego could do with a takedown.
Your life could do with some spice.
You need to figure out what you want.
You need to talk to people.

It’s impossible to be two extremes, even if you want them both.
I know you won’t stop trying, but don’t hurt yourself.

Learn to stop quitting.
(But get a new job.)


Two Months Later:

1.)
I don’t know that I can believe a word you say.
(But I want to anyways.)
We don’t really talk anymore,
Because I have to watch my words.
(I know so much more than you think.)

But if I can be candid for a moment, some things you know:
I’m interested if you’re interested; but I can do this friends thing.
I feel kind of led on, and I’m not happy about that.
I will be pissed off if you date her, I don’t care about reasons.
And, apparently I’m a jealous bitch, and I won’t want to be around you two.

2.)
Congratulations, you’ve done it.
I hope you have a nice life.

It’s probably partly my fault;
But I’ll grow up and end this,
Like we should have done so long ago.

3.)
I find it hard to be around both of you,
Because when he’s not there, sometimes…
Sometimes you’re your old self.

I never realized how different your sides were.

4.)
Never change.

5.)
It’s weird to see you again,
And I don’t know if I like
These things I’ve been hearing
About you and I.

You need to calm down.
I like space, not clinging.
I know you’d treat me well,
But I don’t see how it’s different
This time around.
I’ll be gone in a couple months,
And I don’t know what I want.
(But you do?)

6.)
I don’t find you attractive anymore.

7.)
Stay strong.  Don’t give up.  Don’t give in.

8.)
You asked me to take you home.
Even if you don’t remember,
Things will never be quite the same.

(And I told you I couldn’t,
I didn’t say ‘No’.
Maybe I just don’t like what this means about me.)

9.)
It might have felt like pulling out teeth, but I’m glad I did it.
We’re so much on the same page about things, I feel validated.
We could both be wrong, but we’ll be wrong together.
And who needs those extra molars, anyways?

10.)
I want to go.
But I shouldn’t.
So I’ll try not to.

11.)
Doesn’t it feel a little better now?
Rely on who you can trust,
And stop playing games with people.
You’re more manipulative
Than anyone seems to realize.

Laugh more.
Smile, it’s not all bad.
You can have what you want.